Reflections on One Year

One year and one month ago I made the decision to cut off my locs of 7 years. After a month of reflection, tears, frustration and a lot of hair products, I was ready to leave my natural hair pit stop and get back on my locs journey. Cutting (and unraveling) my locs was a purging process and an outward sign of my commitment to change myself. At the time I had hoped that the seriousness of the sacrifice would be appreciated by others, but now a year later, I have accepted that it is only important that one person appreciates the true depth and meaning of the whole process: Me.

India Arie may say that she is not her hair, but I have no problem with admitting the contrary: I AM MY HAIR. If you follow me on Twitter, you would know that natural hair is not just a fad for me or something to make me look pretty. From the day I cut my perm off 12 years ago, natural hair has always been a philosophy and a statement for me. A statement of my refusal to accept European standards of beauty, a statement that there was nothing wrong with my hair the texture the Most High created it, a statement that I would not yield to the pressure of society and my peers telling me how I ought to look. I went natural before it was the “thing” to do. I did not have any support groups, or websites, or blogs, all I had was a little book by Lonnice Brittenum Bonner called “Good Hair: For Colored Girls Who Considered Weaves When the Chemicals Became Too Ruff” and a lot of youthful determination. My hair expresses who I am and what I represent, and the way I choose to express that is through locs. I may change up my clothing style, from business suits to hippie attire to sexy vixen, but the one thing that remains constant that conveys to the world who I am underneath all of that is my hair. I recently interviewed for a job and the interviewer expressed concerns to my friend who referred me that I was too reserved. The thing my friend pointed out to him to show him otherwise? My locs. Though I was in a suit, had my locs nicely done up in curls, my hair still conveyed that I am not your average woman, I do not follow the mainstream, I am my own person.



Bantu knot braid-out

I went back to locs because what was NOT me was the loose natural, which lasted only a month. I have absolutely nothing against loose natural hair and I love it and embrace it (on others) just as I do locs. I just feel that I looked better with locs, that they are more “me.” I did not immediately go back to locs after I cut the first set, even though I had plenty enough hair to do so at any time. But all that was part of my sacrifice and penance. I needed to wait until I was ready to loc again, until I felt that I had purged the residual negative energy from my hair and from my life. I did not want to start over with a new set of locs and harness any of the negativity that I was trying to escape from. When I started my locs over, I wanted it to be a truly fresh start. I even went to a new loctician, a woman who was full of life and joy, and who unfortunately shortly thereafter had her life cut too short by a drunk driver. I took that as a sign that this loc journey was one that I had to do on my own, just as the change within myself could ultimately only be done by me. I had to choose not to repeat the mistakes of the past.



Curled braid-out

This past year has been an entire process of penance and a lesson in patience. Change does not come overnight. It is a step-by-step, day-by-day process, making gradual progress over time. Going through the locking process was an outward manifestation of my inner change. Cutting my locs and going to have my single strand twists put in to start the locking processing were only the first steps, my commitment to journey along a path of growth and development that did not conclude on that November day in 2009. With my life, as well as my locs, I was committed not to make the same mistakes of the past and I made sure I took actions so those mistakes would not occur. I avoided harmful people; I avoided harmful products. I avoided situations I would later regret; I avoided over-manipulation. I took care to nurture relationships; I took care to nurture my locs. Over time, in both my life and my locs, I started to see positive progress, but all the while I was forced to focus on the day-to-day, not the end result. Yes, I looked forward to the day where I could shampoo without unraveling, the day when I did not feel constant guilt, the day where I had enough hair to do an updo, the day when my word was once again good. The outside reflected the inside, the process was one in the same.


Flat twists & bun

I am now at the one year mark, looking back over my journey thus far. My locs have gone from 2” hollow coils to 6” solid locs that are well into their maturation phase. I can curl them, bantu knot them, do braid outs, and flat twist them to the back into a bun. Retwists are now optional and I can wash my locs as often as I please, AND use conditioner from time to time if I so desire. In my personal life, I have become more responsible with my money, more proactive in handling my personal business, have forgiven myself for my past sins, have a more positive outlook, I am less self-centered and more transparent in my dealings with people. However, the journey is by no means over.

I really hope that people around me, and especially people I love, can see and believe these things as well. I have had some recognition and acknowledgment of the change from those who know me; even my ex-husband said he could see a definite change in me over the past year; he does not even know any of the background or events leading to or away from last fall’s purging and new beginnings, and we do not even speak or interact regularly. People say I look happier, I smile more, laugh more, that my joy radiates. Much of this comes from being more content in my relationship, but even that stems from my commitment and efforts to change and his help along the way. And though not everyone in my life may appreciate the true significance of my journey, looking back I have to be content with the fact that I did this for myself and everything else will take care of itself. Not everyone has chosen, or has been chosen, to come along this journey with me; I have definitely lost some friendships, abandoned some friendships, and scaled back other friendships. I can only go forward knowing in my heart and knowing that the Most High knows that I am a better person than I was in October 2009, and, like my locs, I will continue to grow, change and be better. There is no going back.

Loc Life Lessons

Today, July 1st, is Locs Day, a day to celebrate and appreciate those with locs and those who admire locs.  To me, locs are more than just a hairstyle, but rather a lifestyle.  The experience of growing, cutting, and growing locs again has influenced who I am as a person and how I look at myself and life.  Over the past 8 years I have learned many valuable lessons thanks to my locs, so I wanted to share 5 lessons that my locs have taught me:

1) Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

Cultivating locs is the ultimate exercise in patience.  We are an instant gratification society and are used to instant results.  If we want different hair, we go out and buy it or pay someone to change it.  Growing locs, however, forces you to abandon this need for instant gratification and instead wait for what you want. Even the most intricate microbraids don't even come close to comparing to how long it takes to grow locs.  It takes at least a year for locs to resemble their final form, and even beyond that they are still changing maturing.  Until that time they can be difficult to deal with, fuzzy, unruly, and some days just look downright bad.  Though I have my days where I say "Man I can't wait for these locs to mature!" I have learned to not worry about them and instead focus on other areas of my life that matter, and let nature take care of itself.  You cannot have locs without being willing and able to wait and endure these frustrations.  I've seen the end result of such patience in my first set of locs, so with this set I have learned to enjoy each stage and celebrate the progress in my journey.

2) Too much of a good thing is not a good thing.

When growing locs, less is more.  There are a lot of products out there that claim to help grow locs, but most of them are unnecessary.  There are a few products that do work well with locs (and which product works best is an individual thing), but even with these products too much of them causes more problems.  I already confessed to my former product junkie status and how that almost ruined my locs, but that lesson really stressed to me the importance of moderation and temperance when dealing with good things, not just the bad.  It is important to be able to realized when enough is enough.

3) Time heals all wounds.

After I had my product junkie incident, I was devastated.  I thought I had completely ruined my locs and that I would have to cut them off.  They looked REALLY bad and I was just heartbroken whenever I would see other people's smooth, cylindrical locs.  But I didn't give up, and eventually the locs began to heal themselves.  There was nothing I could do in the meantime aside from trying to smooth out the lumps gradually each time I twisted, but ultimately it was just time that made them better.  No matter how bleak, difficult or hurtful a situation may seem, with patience and caring time heals everything.

4) The only person's opinion who matters is your own.

When you make the decision to grow locs, there will be no shortage of naysayers trying to tell you that you are making a mistake.  People will tell you that you're never going to be able to find a job, or that locs will make people look at you negatively, or you won't be able to find a man.  They will look at your unruly baby and teenage locs and think your hair looks bad.  Or (like my last stylist) will try to convince you that your loose natural is pretty and you shouldn't mess it up with locs.  My kids had it even worse with the outright teasing, name calling and ridicule from other children in school; most adults have enough sense not to do that, but the sentiments are still the same.  However, if you know that you have a goal and vision for yourself and know that one day it will all pay off, everyone else's opinions and criticisms don't matter.  I will never forget my son singing "Back then they didn't want me/Now I'm loc'd they all on me."  Your critics will later be the same people singing your praises and wishing they had the tenacity and patience to do it as well. 

5) Know when to let go.

It is said, and I believe, locs conduct and hold energy, both positive and negative, from outside and from within.  Without fail, when I am feeling bad, my locs are unruly and uncooperative.  When I'm feeling great, they look amazing.  Over time, negativity can accumulate in your locs. I know there are countless stories of people cutting their locs after going through a particularly difficult life experience, or when they are moving on to a different stage in life for this precise reason.  In the past 3 years I went through an extremely trying period in my life, including divorce, unemployment, and just losing myself and my way in general.  I knew, but didn't want to believe, the "loc folklore" that they hold negativity, and instead tried to hold onto them and work past it.  But no matter what I did, they just looked terrible.  I was using the same styling products and methods, but they just weren't responding.  Finally I came to the realization that it was just time for them to go.  Of course I was scared, because my locs were ME.  That's how everyone knew me, the tall yellow lawyer with locs.  But I knew that particular era of me was over, and in order to move on I had to let go. We can't hold on to the past and expect to be able to move forward.  Some things in life are to be enjoyed for awhile, but then we have to let go and make room for new experiences.